Mediation can be one of the most valuable tools a divorcing couple has. When utilized wisely and efficiently, it can speed up the divorce process and make difficult areas less contentious. Spouses can benefit from mediation, but children perhaps benefit the most from the potential to reduce conflict between their parents during an otherwise difficult period. 

However, mediation is not appropriate for all divorce cases. Certain situations may make mediation unwise, unsafe, or impossible. If you are getting divorced in Illinois and are wondering whether mediation with a trained and experienced divorce mediator might be right for you, read on. 

Domestic Violence

Both parties must be committed to peaceably resolving their differences for mediation to be successful. When one spouse is abusing the other spouse, it damages whatever little trust might be left to negotiate with. It may also put the victimized spouse in the uncomfortable or dangerous position of being manipulated or further psychologically abused. Victims of domestic violence may feel unsafe or unable to speak their mind, express their concerns, or trust that their spouse is negotiating in good faith. 

Divorce is hard on kids in Illinois. They have little to no control over the situation, very little understanding of why it is happening, and often are left to deal with intense emotional fallout from parents who cannot cooperate. Parents who are unable to agree on issues like parenting time and parental responsibilities can expose their children to protracted arguments in which the children feel pressured to take a side. While children are young and impressionable, parents may feel they have successfully “won” their child’s affection and managed to keep them from the other parent. 

But, eventually, children grow up and begin to see the world more clearly. Add to that a hefty dose of teenage hormones, and parents may find they suddenly have a child who prefers their other parent. It can be very difficult to see your child express a preference to live with their other parent, but Illinois courts do take the preferences of the children into account when making decisions about where the child will spend their time. To learn more about when a child can choose the parent they want to live with, read on. 

What is in the Best Interest of the Child? 

There is a hard and fast age at which a child can make an autonomous decision about which parent to live with: 18 (or 19 if the child is still in high school). Before that, Illinois generally allows children’s preferences to be taken into more serious consideration around age 14, but it depends on the maturity of the child and the circumstances of each parent. Children will often decide they want to live with one parent based on a perceived lack of structure or discipline, or because they do not want to live with step-siblings after a remarriage. 

Before divorce proceedings begin and a couple starts negotiating their differences, it can be difficult to tell whether a marriage is likely to end with hostility or respect. Spouses frequently surprise each other by the extent to which they are willing to fight over seemingly small issues. Likewise, a couple may also be surprised by how smoothly they can negotiate.

Although divorce is rarely predictable, certain things can let spouses know whether attempting mediation rather than divorce court is likely an effective strategy. Both mediation and divorce trials have pros and cons, and spouses getting divorced would be wise to weigh their options before making any decisions.

What are the Benefits of Mediation? 

Mediation can be a great strategy for couples who can communicate well and are willing to work hard to minimize hostility and resentment. Openness, honesty, and a willingness to put certain personal differences aside will help divorcing parents focus on more important things like asset division, child support, and allocation of parental responsibilities. 

 To many people, a divorce seems like a long process with tons of conflict and stress. However, it does not have to be that way. If both partners are willing to be civil with one another and look at the big picture, they may be able to have a more peaceful divorce. If you and your spouse plan to get divorced, you can take steps to make proceedings less stressful.

Ways to Minimize Conflict in Your Divorce

A divorce can be one of the most difficult events of your life. You and your spouse may feel anger and resentment towards each other. Despite all that, it may be possible to reduce conflict during the process.

• Consider mediation. Fighting in divorce court for months can definitely cause stress and heartache. To avoid this, think about working with a trained mediator. This professional can help you and your spouse come to a favorable agreement faster and with less conflict. A family law mediator does not replace an attorney, but mediation may help spouses find common ground and resolve divorce disputes. 

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If you and your spouse have decided to get divorced, it may be difficult for the two of you to agree on divorce issues. Instead of relying on a judge to make important decisions in your divorce, such as child custody and property division, consider going through mediation. The process can be beneficial for many divorcing couples willing to discuss the unresolved issues and work toward a solution cooperatively. 

How Divorce Mediation in Illinois Works

Mediation is intended to help couples reach reasonable agreements about various issues in their divorce, such as spousal maintenance, child support, and allocation of parental responsibilities. During each mediation session, you and your spouse will sit down with a trained mediator, who will facilitate a civil and productive discussion about the unresolved aspects of your divorce.

Although a mediator must have extensive knowledge in divorce and family law, he or she cannot provide you or your spouse with legal advice unless he or she is also a lawyer. A mediator can, however, help you identify common ground, ask you and your spouse to clarify your points, and help you brainstorm possible resolutions.