For many spouses, divorce mediation or other methods of cooperative divorce may be preferable to a prolonged courtroom battle. Divorcing spouses who use mediation may be able to save substantial time, money, and stress. However, alternative dispute resolution tactics may not be effective - or even worth trying - for every set of spouses. The process requires cooperation and a certain level of emotional maturity to succeed. Both spouses must be willing to make compromises with one another. Both spouses must be able to commit to participating in mediation or negotiation efforts.

While you and your spouse need not be amicable for divorce mediation to be an effective strategy, having a high level of conflict or certain types of intense conflict may mean that uncontested divorce is not likely to be a viable option for you. There are some signs that may lead your attorney to steer you toward the courthouse and away from a cooperative divorce. You also have the option of attempting to cooperate and then resorting to litigation should it fail. 

Signs That Divorce Mediation May Not be Right for You

Cooperative divorce methods can work for many spouses who are in conflict. However, it is not right for everyone. After speaking with your attorney, you may choose to go directly to court if one of these circumstances exists: 

For most parents, their greatest concern in a divorce is not who keeps the living room furniture, but rather, how much time they will get to continue spending with their children. Seeing the other parent obtain sole child custody is often a parent’s worst fear. If your spouse is threatening to pursue sole custody, or to keep the children from seeing you, you should know that this result is highly unlikely unless there is genuine evidence that you are harmful to the children. If no such evidence exists, courts in Illinois immensely favor a parenting time arrangement that allows both parents time with their children.

In most cases, you need not fear that you will never see your children again, regardless of what your spouse says. It is, however, important to promptly speak to an attorney, who can respond to the threat on your behalf and continue working to protect the precious time you share with your children. 

Are Sole Custody Arrangements Common? 

A parent’s rights to spend time with and share decision-making power over the child is not taken away lightly in Illinois. Our local courts are so opposed to sole custody arrangements that they will frequently use supervised visitation even when there is some evidence that a parent is not capable of safely caring for the children alone. 

Many recently divorced parents find it helpful to leave the area where they resided during the marriage to seek a new beginning elsewhere. Relocating can have a wonderful effect on the mental health of a newly divorced parent, particularly if the divorce was very challenging or the marriage itself was harmful. However, in Illinois, a parent cannot simply pack their children's belongings and relocate to a faraway area without first obtaining permission from the court. Parental relocations are not automatically granted if the other parent objects. If your former spouse resists the relocation and has been allocated any parenting time, the court is likely to conduct a thorough analysis before reaching a decision. As is true for all family law cases pertaining to children, this issue must be decided in favor of what is in the child’s best interests. It is important to consult an attorney before requesting permission to relocate with children. 

Determining Whether a Relocation is in the Child’s Best Interests

Courts will grant a parent’s request to relocate with the children over the objection of the other parent only if it is established that moving away is in the best interests of the children involved. In determining whether the relocation would be best for the children, the court will consider a number of factors similar to those used in determining an initial parenting plan. Factors considered may include: 

• Child’s adjustment - How well-adjusted a child is to their current home, school, and community is highly relevant. Courts may be reluctant to remove a child from a neighborhood they are well-acclimated to and involved in. 

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In Illinois, spouses have the option of legally separating rather than divorcing. Legal separations is an option for spouses who feel that they no longer want to live together as a married couple and would like legal recognition of their separation, but also do not want to divorce. Divorce and legal separation have some commonalities, but a few major differences. After a legal separation, you remain legally married, but may largely live as if you are divorced. As in divorce, you and your spouse will be able to formally divide marital property and create a parenting plan if you have children in common. There are a number of factors you and your spouse should consider before choosing between a divorce and a legal separation. If you are unsure which is best for you, an attorney may be able to help you understand how each may affect you so that you can make a well-informed decision. 

Considerations for Spouses Considering Legal Separation or Divorce

You and your spouse should, if possible, discuss each of these factors before making a final decision. Some factors to consider may include: 

• Possibility of reconciliation - It is much easier to “undo” a legal separation than a divorce. As legal separation does not end the marriage, you and your spouse would not need to get married a second time should you reconcile. If you believe that your separation may not be permanent, a legal separation may be the better option. 

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Most people are familiar with the term “mediation” but may not know exactly what working with a mediator looks like. In an Illinois divorce case, understanding the mediation process is essential for setting realistic expectations and pursuing successful negotiations over your divorce settlement. If you are considering divorce and want to know more about whether a mediator could help you, read on to learn more about what working with a mediator is like. 

What Does a Divorce Mediator Do? 

Before a divorce can be finalized, spouses must reach an agreement about property and debt division, spousal support, and, if there are minor children involved, child support and child custody. Naturally, this can be difficult, especially if spouses have a hostile relationship. The purpose of mediation is to allow couples to put aside their personal differences and negotiate their divorce decree fairly. 

A divorce mediator does not provide either spouse with legal advice. Instead, he or she will help spouses articulate their priorities and preferences on a given subject while keeping the conversation peaceful and focused on problem-solving. The mediator will help couples identify common ground, identify exactly where their differences lie, and think about possible solutions to those differences. Mediation can move quickly or take several months; it depends on how well spouses can get along and compromise. Many couples can resolve their issues in as few as three or four sessions, while others take much longer.